Hallelujah

 (Push play for background music to this post)

Every time I put on Pandora on my ipod, it seems to find its way to Rufus Wainwright, regardless of what station I put it on.  I had never heard of him until a special woman came into my life a few years ago.  That person and I no longer speak, but it's weird how a song can bring them right back into my mind and heart.  What is she up to now?  Is she happy? 

It's been a bit of a journey moving on from this friendship, and the hurt that was in my heart when it ended.  I lost several friendships at the same time, but she is the one that still haunts me.  We were close in many ways (at least I thought so), and I felt like I really knew her.  She had so many pieces of her heart shattered at different points in her life, some irreparably.  I think a sadness took the place of those pieces that were broken, but also strength.  Words can't describe the beauty that exists in that soul of hers.  It's just a shame that she doesn't see it like I did.

I opened my own soul up to her in ways that I find difficult to do with pretty much anyone. I think I probably revealed myself to her more than I've revealed myself to anyone in a very, very long time.  It's in the vulnerability I felt with her that I think I had such a hard time recovering from the loss of her in my life.  But there is beauty in that, isn't there?  To find another spirit so strong and empowering that you trust yourself to be weak in their presence?  I don't do that often, but with her, I could.  I now find gratitude filling my heart where she was.  Because of her, I know I can trust that deeply. What a beautiful gift she has given me.

Today, I send hugs to her, wherever she may be.  Love, should you ever stumble upon this, I hope you realize that I think you are an amazing, strong, and beautiful woman.  I think of you often, and I wish you well.  In some parallel universe, people like you and me are better at friendship and at trusting freely without needing to push those we trust away.  Perhaps one day we'll get better at stuff like this. 

The fall out of Hilary Neiman and Theresa Erickson's Baby Selling Ring

The surrogacy world is a small one.  Many of us know each other through the various online message boards and support groups.  We're kind of like the gigantic dysfunctional family getting together at reunions, only the reunions are the message boards. 

When I say "dysfunctional", I don't mean we're bad people or there is anything wrong with any of us.  I say "dysfunctional" as in.... We can get into brawls, with mud-slinging, hair-pulling, and name-calling, where if you saw us from a distance you would say, "What the hell is wrong with those bitches?"  But in the sisterhood of surrogacy, the rule of family applies:  family can say all they want about family, but if you aren't in the family, you're going to get an ass kicking if you say something about the family.  We're tight-knit that way, no matter how much our personalities may clash, and we'll take care of each other in our deepest need, regardless of past squabbles.  It's just the way it is.  It's an unspoken code.  It's truly amazing.

Only twice have I seen this sisterhood threatened from the inside. 

The first time was a couple of years ago.  A woman was a surrogate for a couple.  The group of them decided to skip very important steps in the surrogacy process.  On top of that, they proceeded through the court system as an adoption, not a surrogacy, giving the surrogate a birth mother's rights to the twins she was carrying.  Right after the pregnancy ended, the surrogate discovered details about her intended mother's mental health status that made the surrogate reconsider proceeding with the intended parents adopting the twins.  The surrogate took the twins after they'd been with their intended parents for something like a week.

This scenario challenged us.  It challenged us to think beyond our normal comfort level with surrogate arrangements and what we would all do if we were in that situation.  It created a dialog in which we debated against each other how far we would go to honor the agreements we sign, versus how far we would go to protect the children we carry.  It was an ethical dilemma on both a moral and legal level and it tore the community into two very distinct sides that battled strongly their points of view.  Even now, if it might come up, it might not end up in a pleasant conversation.  After all, what would you do?  Would you honor your contract?  Or potentially place a baby in harm's way?

Now for the second time we are presented with a challenging debate that seems to be clearly drawing lines in the sand.  The situation is this:  Two very, very well-respected lawyers in the surrogacy world have plead guilty along side another woman for their involvement in a baby-selling scheme.  The lawyers: Theresa Erickson and Hilary Neiman.  This one strikes closely to home for me as Hilary was my own lawyer, not just in surrogacy, but also in business.  She drafted contracts for me pro-bono under the promise I would send her clients.....which I did enthusiastically.  I trusted her deeply and enjoyed knowing her immensely. 

The scheme started with a woman named Carla recruiting a handful of "surrogates" every so often.  She would send them to the Ukraine to get them pregnant.  After embryo transfer, the surrogates would be sent home.  At 12 weeks, the "surrogates" would be given the opportunity to choose Intended Parents (IPs).  The "surrogates" would receive $38-45,000 for their efforts after birth. 

Sidebar:  I put "surrogates" in quotation marks because if you follow the legal definition of surrogate, a surrogate enters into an arrangement with intended parents BEFORE an embryo is implanted into the surrogate.  Finding parents for the babies after conception legally is called adoption.  It is against the law to receive compensation for adoption.

Up until yesterday, this was really all that I knew of this.  When I first heard about this a couple of years ago, and heard that Hilary may be involved, I asked her about it.  She described it in detail, and assured me that it was, in fact, COMPLETELY LEGAL.  I trusted Hilary.  She was my lawyer.  She was amazing.  So who was I to judge these surrogates who were completely okay with this?  Seems unorthodox, but I'm not a judge. 

It came up again a year ago when I heard from a "surrogate" whose friend was trapped in one of these schemes and very pregnant as a result with no intended parents.  I again turned to Hilary and asked what in the world was going on.  Hilary let me know that this "surrogate" had mental issues that were likely going to lead her into legal trouble because she had dropped off the face of the earth, leaving IPs stranded.  The thing is, Hilary was no stranger to sharing this kind of stuff with me, not minding sharing more info than she probably should, and I thought we just shared that kind of relationship.  I told her about my stuff, she told me about hers.  So I assumed the worst of this "surrogate", believing that Hilary would never lie about something like this.

So imagine my horror when I was reading court documents 2 days ago sharing very vivid details of Hilary's involvement in a baby selling ring.  She actively was involved in this.  She represented the intended parents.  She knew that Theresa Erickson was filing paperwork in the CA court system with fake intended parents listed, creating the legal framework of what would be surrogacy.  When they really had intended parents, they would change names on documents.  They would create contracts as though the surrogacy arrangement was entered into before the pregnancy began.  Rumor has it, in some cases, no intended parents existed even at the birth for some of these "surrogates".  Hilary was in on all of it.  And worse than that, she actively tried to discredit a surrogate who was wrapped in this scheme. 

I think as a whole, the surrogacy community is feeling unbelievably duped.  We're all in utter disbelief.  What's worse-- we knew it was going on all along.  We've talked about it amongst ourselves.  And yet, we didn't realize the extent of it, even as it happened under our noses.  These conversations took place on public message boards, where we all said, "Hey, if Hilary says it's legal, then it must be," and many of us even said, "Hey, to each their own," choosing a position of non-judgment, even if the majority of us would never feel comfortable with going to a foreign country to get pregnant with no IPs in sight.

In a more recent development, a "surrogate" who was instrumental in the FBI's investigation came forward and described in detail her situation.  This "surrogate" has also spoken with the media, and has sought other media outlets to tell her story. 

Here is where the community is dividing......

Were the "surrogates" victims in this scheme, too?

On one hand, you have a group of women who were convinced by very respectable lawyers in the surrogacy world that this was completely legal.  If you look at this at the legally ethical perspective, if you are advised by a lawyer that something is legal, and you are a surrogate who doesn't mind an anonymous arrangement, or business only arrangement, with intended parents, maybe you are also a victim in all of this because you really didn't know what you were doing is wrong.

But if you look at this on the morally ethical perspective, anyone who has ever been apart of a surrogacy community knows there are a handful of cardinal rules: full screening for everyone before getting started, have a contract before you go into an IVF cycle, etc.  Basically, always do it by the book.  What we had here was a handful of "surrogates" who were not only willing to skip steps, but to intentionally get pregnant with babies that did not have parents, and call it surrogacy.  That is not surrogacy.  It doesn't even start to be surrogacy.  It is....well....  It's baby selling.  You intentionally are harvesting babies.  Many of these women, I am sure, have been around the surrogacy world long enough to know something was very wrong with this scenario but still went through with it.  The knew they were being sent to the Ukraine to get pregnant with parentless babies.

Then again...... they were told that parents were out there, but wouldn't be matched until the pregnancies were into the second trimester.

So the community is divided amongst itself again.  We have the heightened emotions of betrayal, coupled with the knowledge that "surrogates" have done this to themselves (and the rest of us), the knowledge that the media is sniffing around to sensationalize the story, and now this rift in the community because on one side of the fence, they believe the "surrogates" should be supported through this, and on the other side of the fence, they're ready to condemn the "surrogates" for betraying the surrogate sisterhood, and surrogacy in general, in such a way.

There is also a backlash of, "Don't let this reflect on surrogacy because it wasn't surrogacy."  I get that.  I really do.  But lets be real here.  Legally, on the books, the babies were adopted and the definition of it is adoption.  However, we have women who called themselves surrogates the whole time being advised by surrogacy attorneys that this was one way of doing surrogacy, and it was bought, sold, and delivered as though it was surrogacy.  The only ones who knew the truth were the ones who were apparently not paying attention to the documents they were signing or the nagging feeling that something wasn't right.

I hope that this doesn't make things worse on surrogacy in general.  I read a great blog post saying that this wasn't an issue of regulation, it was an issue of law-breaking.  Well, yes, that's true.  It reminds me very much of an article I read about how American pharmaceutical companies can legally do their drug testing in third world countries, offering extremely poor people extremely little money to take drugs that kill them or make them sick, and only report the favorable results to the FDA to get their drugs to market.  Clearly our FDA is FILLED with regulation, and yet, this happens.  In this case, I think I agree that this wasn't an issue of unregulated surrogacy, but an issue of corruption. 

But, it does invite an opportunity for lawmakers to say, "Look at those trouble making surrogacies," and make things harder for surrogacy.  Honestly, would that be a bad thing?  We have people go into surrogacy who, from the outside, seem to clearly be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Then we have amazing people who get turned away for ridiculous things that aren't even important in a pregnancy or surrogacy relationship.  There needs to be some sort of standard here.  There needs to be some kind of rule that we can fall back on to know what's right and wrong.  Even well meaning people can be led astray, and while I generally don't believe that the law should exist to protect us from our own mistakes, maybe in this instance it might be a good idea. 

We're not talking about buying cars here, people.  We're talking about tiny, helpless babies.  We need to know they're being carried by healthy women.  We need to know they're going to healthy homes.  If it were 10 years ago, I would say that artificial reproductive technology is moving too fast for the law to keep up with, but it's 2011 and surrogacy isn't new anymore.  It's become mainstream enough that it is in multiple television shows, books covers of magazines with celebrities, and can be a dinner conversation between family members.  It's time we do have legislation so that people like Hilary Neiman and Theresa Erickson can be booked for what they actually did, and not for some generic charge like conspiracy to commit wire fraud. 

As for the "surrogates".....  Well, I am no judge.  I am not perfect.  God knows I've screwed up and wished someone would just listen and support me for all the ugly I can hold inside.  My arms are open to the "surrogates" who have been involved in these schemes.  No, the world isn't going to understand (and I don't know if I do either), but it is over now, and it is time to move on.  You will get no harsh words from me.  Emotions are so heightened right now, and you're going to receive judgment from the world over this.  Eyes are on you, and I can't imagine how hard that must be.  It must feel awful :(  I'm sending you all hugs right now. 

Regardless of what happened, there are precious little angels out there because of these "surrogates", with parents who get to feel the love and joy of those children created.  It does no one any good to pick apart the wounds of the past.  I hope that the world moves on, with minimal damage to the community in general.  It's sort of like divorcing parents, where one is a complete jerk.  Do you call the parent a jerk in front of the kid?  No, that will only hurt them.  Posting the ugliness that I've been seeing on the internet these last couple of days will eventually hurt these children if they learn the truth of their creation. 

Lets instead teach them that their creation could lead to a path of forgiveness and understanding in a community whose sisterhood outshines absolutely any conflict that touches it.  Lets rise above this and be the beautiful, strong, and benevolent community that I know we are.  And instead of turning on each other, lets remember that we are all in this together, and when one sister falls, we all fall, or we can pick her up and move on, together. 

Kool Smiles

If you live anywhere near me, chances are you've been receiving a ton of junk mail from Kool Smiles, which is a new (to the area, not in general) dentistry practice in Fruitland.  I finally gave in and scheduled the kids for cleanings there since they're due anyway, and nowhere else in town will take our insurance.

We got there and had our cleaning.  The place was almost empty, but we still had a bit of a wait.  After DS had his x-rays done, we met with the dentist.  His assessment, based on DS's x-rays, was that DS needs caps placed on two teeth.  He didn't say anything further.  Nothing about the procedure, nothing about options, nothing.

We went to check out, and as I was discussing this with the nurse, she said they prefer to do these sorts of things in separate appointments because getting it all done at once is hard on kids.  She described the procedure, getting a needle after being numbed, getting the caps placed... It sounded frightening, to tell the truth.  I was afraid for the little man.  I hated thinking he'd have to go through that.

So I texted a friend who is a dentist (wish to god she lived here!) and I asked if she would recommend something so drastic for a 5-year old.  I emailed her the x-rays.  Here they are:

Now, I don't know the first thing about reading x-rays, so listening to that dentist tell me his feelings and then scheduling appointments following his recommendations was a leap of faith.  I trusted him.  So when my friend saw the x-rays and expressed her complete disagreement with his assessment, I was definitely upset.  Her feeling is that fillings should be adequate.  I decided to go to a different local dentist with the intentions of getting fillings, as opposed to getting caps.

Today, I drove to the dentist that my little ones used to see (knowing we'd have to pay out of pocket, and being completely okay with that).  I requested to make an appointment, but he was able to see us immediately.  So, we went back and he examined DS's teeth and x-rays. 

He asked me if I really wanted to know what his recommendation was.  I told him yes, of course!  He said his recommendation was to do absolutely nothing.  He said that the cavities that my son has are so small they haven't even penetrated the enamel fully.  He said my son has wonderful teeth.  And, he pointed out that they weren't planning on just capping two teeth, but also filling 3 others completely unnecessarily.  (I not only brought him the x-rays, but the sheet indicating Kool Smiles' plan for treatment, which is written in all abbreviations that I honestly don't understand at all.)  Kool Smiles mentioned nothing to me about doing the other three teeth. 

He also told me that I'm not the first to come forward for a second opinion for the exact same thing.  He and another local pediatric dentist have been seeing patients frequently for the exact same reason that I was there.  This is a recurring theme with Kool Smiles.

Obviously, I canceled the appointments we have with Kool Smiles.  Before starting to write this blog entry, I googled "Kool Smiles scam" and found some articles that upset me enough that I had to stop reading.  These people are aggressively targeting underprivileged children, doing excessive and completely unnecessary procedures on them to make money.  They don't use anesthesia and they literally strap them down routinely to do dental work.  Meanwhile, they try their best to keep parents out of the treatment rooms during these procedures. 

All I can think to myself is I almost put my son through this.  It is my duty as his mom to never put him in a situation where I tell him he can trust someone who actually hurts him.  I almost breached that trust.  I almost placed my son in the care of someone who was just looking at him as a payout opportunity. 

How many parents go through this, actually TRUSTING these dentists to be gentle and good to their children?  How many children get hurt by these doctors?  You shouldn't HAVE to protect your child from being hurt by vultures like this.  I thought doctors were supposed to protect and heal, not harm.

I'm just in shock over this.  I'm appalled.  I'm also contacting the state about this.  I hope they do a good, thorough review of this office's records and find enough to stop these people. 

In the meantime, I'll be sharing this story every opportunity I get to help other moms and dads steer clear of these people.  Kool Smiles should be stopped!

So I visited a dear friend this weekend.

She's been going through some stuff and I wanted to be there for her.  I hopped in the car and drove on over.  It was my first trip with the GPS.  Ummmmm......yeah..........

 So after getting detoured straight through the heart of DC (like an idiot because clearly I know how NOT to drive THROUGH DC.  You just go around it.  But I thought for sure the GPS knew something I didn't.  Like an idiot.  Like an idiot that enjoys the tail end of rush hour and staring at the Capitol Building for a half hour while they clear traffic from an accident.  An accident that didn't leave the involved vehicles inoperable, but in true DC fashion, they obviously had to leave their cars in the middle of the street.  Even though there was a perfectly good street RIGHT THERE they could have turned on.  But that would be too easy.  Right?)....  What was I saying?

Oh, right, so I got to go the scenic route.  When I got to my friend's house, I was all excited to see her.....until I saw this look on her baby's face.

Not sure what happened there, until she said that she decided to invite some friends over.  I thought, hey, sounds good, we'll have a little get together!  First, these guys showed up:

Which was awesome because I really enjoy them.  They're hilarious!  If you haven't seen them before, check this out:

So anyway, it was really pretty relaxed.  We were all chatting about life in general, when suddenly there was a knock at the door.

Who the hell invited that guy???  And what in the world is he doing to that poor little bunny?!

I got a little scared and I excused myself, saying that I'd had a long day and I hoped to get some sleep.  The next morning, things seemed harmless enough.  My friend's brother in law is staying with her for a bit and I finally got introduced to him.  Well.....sort of.  You see, I was heading out to my car because I'd left my phone charger out there and this is what greeted me when I got out to the driveway:

Hm.

Well.

I don't judge.

Moving on.

We spent the day having girl chat, and my friend told me that she had a really awesome Easter surprise waiting for me after the kids went to bed.  I got so excited!!!!!!!!!!  An Easter surprise just for me!!!!!!!!  After dinner, we got the kids down for bed, and my friend and her hubby said, "Close your eyes!!!!!"

I felt someone guide me to the back yard, and I heard a voice say, "Watch your step!"  Finally, they shouted, "SURPRISE!!!!!"  I opened my eyes.

Um.

Yeah.

An update on the Commerford Zoo post

For the original post about Commerford Zoo, please click on the link located at the top left of this page.

I've had the amazing experience of seeing my blog appear in google search results and receiving emails from other people who are so glad to see that there are others out there advocating on behalf of the animals at the Commerford Zoo.  As much as it pains me to know that others have had the same experience I had, and that the animals are so clearly suffering, I enjoy knowing that I've been able to reach some people, and maybe increase awareness somehow. 

As for progress on advocating, I've contacted an editor of the local paper and she says that she will likely run a story if this zoo ever comes back to Salisbury.  I contacted the venue who hosted them directly and never heard anything back.  I may try another email address if I don't hear back by the end of this coming week.    

Blogger gives the ability to track what search results give hits on my blog.  Over the last week, the majority of hits to my blog have been related to the Commerford Zoo.  Unfortunately, they only show the most recent 10 hits, but I think it's obvious that people are just as horrified as I am.  You figure, they are so affected by what they see that they do exactly what I did:  they hit google and see if they are alone in their horror.  Here is the list of the most recent 10 hits on my blog, and what they were searching to get here:

commerford zoo

commerford zoo+complaints

abuse commerford zoo

anislandofmisfittoys.blogspot.com

commerford cruelty

commerford petting zoo

commerford traveling zoo

commerford zoo coupons

commerford zoo march 26

commerford zoo traveling zoo   The coupons one and March 26th one make me happiest because it means I've reached those people BEFORE they witness this nastiness.

Commerford Zoo: STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!

Edited 3/18/11.  In an effort to increase traffic to this post and others that are similar to it from other bloggers or articles I find, I will occasionally add links here at the top of this post.  To read the original post, scroll down to the regular text below the links.  The more we learn, the more we can advocate.  If you feel any passion about this whatsoever, or if you know someone else who will feel passion about this at all, spread these links!  These people need to be stopped!

This is a blog of another horrified Commerford visitor who decided to write to the USDA. The original letter and response are included in this blog posting. 


Original post:

I was raised by an animal rights activist and vegan.  She's raised awareness in me about animal rights issues that I, like most other people, would likely never realize even existed had it not been for her.  You would think that that would keep me from even considering going to things like traveling petting zoos.  I know better.  But for some reason, I didn't listen to my better judgment.  My husband, kids and I went to the Commerford Traveling Petting Zoo this weekend.

They get you by circulating flyers saying, "Free Child's Admission", so of course you think, hey, lets check this out.  I knew that it would be an unnatural setting for animals, but like an idiot, I thought it couldn't possibly be that bad.  Well.... I was wrong.  What I am going to describe is the same story I saw time and time again on the internet when we got home and started googling to see if it really was as bad as what we saw.

When we first arrived, we figured there would be a charge for adults.  It was $12 each, which didn't seem too bad.  We paid, and we went in.  The first thing I noticed was that the animals looked dirty.  DH went to buy tickets for rides while I wandered with DD.  We went over to one pen with a miniature pony in it.  This pony......  It was frozen.  It didn't move.  Not.  One.  Muscle.  It just stood there staring into space, as though it were catatonic.  There was a child bothered by the pony's lack of movement and he picked up a large piece of hay.  He reached it in and began poking at the pony's face.  Still, the pony did not move, and it was at this point that I realized there was no attendant there to tell the kid to stop.  I told the kid I didn't think that was a very nice thing to do and he stopped.  I looked around more, and there were no attendants near any of the pens of animals that I could see.  There was no one ensuring the safety of the people petting the animals, or the safety of the animals themselves.

DH met back up with us with the tickets he'd purchased.  $25 for 24 tickets.  The rides cost 2 tickets, and if you wanted to ride on one of the animals?  4 tickets per person.  An adult going on an elephant with their child would spend almost $9 to do so, and would literally spent 1-2 minutes on the elephant total.

And speaking of the elephants......  They had a long line going to ride on these elephants or on a camel.  It was one line splitting into two for these animal rides.  The enclosed space for the rides was about 20 feet in diameter.  These elephants and the camel walked clockwise around this space the entire day, with groups of people piling on top of them.  They looked old and tired...sickly.  The attendants to these animals were carrying bullhooks.  If you've never seen a bullhook before, this is what they are:

 And this is how they are used:

The point of the bullhook is to inflict pain to cause the animal to become submissive.  In addition to the intimidation and fear of pain that these elephants are subjected to, and the long days of doing nothing but walking in circles with people climbing on and off them, they have nothing more than these tiny little buckets set off to the side, I guess to drink from.  I couldn't see if they even had water in them.  The thing that really caught my attention?  There was one elephant who had wandered over toward those buckets with 4 people on top of it.  The elephant wasn't drinking.  It wasn't doing anything.  It was just standing there, staring down an empty hallway.  I didn't stick around to see what happened next.  I didn't want to see what they would do to make the elephant move.

DS by that time had found his way onto some of the carnival rides.  He and DD decided to ride on one together, and as fidgety as my little guy is, as soon as he got on this big fire truck with a bell, he tried to buckle himself in with the rope that they have for a seat belt.  When the attendant came over to fasten it, he literally smacked DS's hand away and told him to "get off" (of the rope, not the ride).  I didn't see this happen as I was too busy being silly making faces at my daughter.  It was DH who saw it, and the couple standing next to him.  If you don't know me beyond the blog post, my son is 5.  The man slapped the hand of a 5 year old who was just trying to fasten his seat belt.

We left that area and went into a side room that had other animals and toys.  We were down to our last 4 tickets (THANK GOD) and we were looking for a quick way to burn through them.  This side room had more animals in it, including some ducks, some kind of mutant rat, and a kangaroo.  This kangaroo..... I was already screwed up in the head about the conditions these animals were kept in.  But this kangaroo was my breaking point.  I was horrified.  It was laying in its pen in this horrible unnatural position.  I thought it was dead.  There was a sign that said "Shhh I'm sleeping", or something to that effect, and I stood there and stared at it intently, praying its chest would move.  When I saw it did move, I snapped my mind back into reality and rushed to get the kids on their last ride so we could just leave.  (At more than $1 a ticket, for some reason we felt like we needed to just burn through them instead of give them away---BTW, by this point, we'd been there for probably a half hour.  Tops.  $49 in a carnival type of place spent in about a half hour.)

Again, we noticed that there were animals that didn't seem right psychologically.  It seemed like all of the larger animals were "tranquillized" or something.  They weren't right.  They weren't normal.  There was something seriously wrong with them.  Not just one or two of the larger animals-- all of them.

They went on this inflatable slide thing and I breathed a sigh of relief at the notion of us being able to leave.  The kids were begging to do more carnival rides, and we were as nicely as possible telling them we couldn't because we were out of tickets.  We were both trying so hard to just hold our reactions to ourselves so that we wouldn't freak out the kids.  For me, all I wanted was for them to forget the day even happened, and the best way to do that would be to NOT freak out in front of them.

As we were practically sprinting toward the door, after reasoning with the kids that we had no more tickets so we couldn't get on any more rides, a woman that DH had met several minutes earlier gave us 4 tickets right in plain view of our kids.  We both just looked at each other, knowing the kids would freak if we didn't use them, so we turned back around, went back to that side room, and let them take one more turn on whatever they wanted to do.  DD picked a huge bouncy castle, DS picked a train.  5 minutes in, and we were done again.

As we were leaving, though, one of the kids spotted the zebra.  We walked over to it, and I could hear DH say, "Is it shaking?  Or is that just its stripes?"  I couldn't really tell, actually.  It might have been shaking.  Like the pony, it was standing there, frozen completely.  It just stood there, right square in the middle of its pen, out of reach of anyone, or any of the animals kept in a pen that surrounded it.

It was everything I could do to hold back the tears.  Here we were in the middle of a torture chamber for animals, and not only had we brought our kids expecting they might enjoy it, but we actually gave these people our money.  What had we been thinking?  How the hell did I get the twisted idea in my head that that would have been a good way to spend an afternoon?  And what was it going to take to make sure our kids never, ever believe that that is the way animals should be treated, kept and handled?

We got in the car.  I turned it on and just sat there.  I started to pull out of the space but just stopped.  I felt frozen in time, just like the pony and the zebra.  I couldn't move, and when my husband started to wonder why I wasn't going anywhere, I told him I wasn't ready to drive yet.  He took over the driver's seat, and when the car was moving and we left the parking lot of the Civic Center, the tears started flowing.  I sent a text to my mom, whose job includes investigating complaints about the mishandling and abuse of exotic animals.  I asked her if it was typical for animals in traveling zoos to tranquilize their animals.  She said some do.  I told her I was pretty sure that I'd just left one that did.  Then I said I didn't want to talk about it.

My husband and I talked at length about what we had just seen.  He noticed that the equipment for the amusement rides were licensed in Massachusetts and may have been expired.  The licenses showed every year from 2007 to 2010, but nothing for 2011. 

A little while later I texted my mom again asking her how she gets the images of these things out of her head because nothing I could do would get the absolute horror that I felt over the whole thing to go away.  She called me, and we talked for awhile about it.  Half of the conversation, I was holding back tears, the other half, I just cried as I described to her what I saw.  She emailed me a list of things that she had on file for the Commerford Zoo, including USDA citations and correspondence with cities that had decided to no longer allow this Zoo in their limits.

I asked her what I could do to make peace in my heart, because I was such a wreck with guilt, shame, and sadness.  She told me to tell this story.  She told me to share what I know.  As long as I can stop one person from witnessing what I saw, that is one less person funding this.

So I share with the world what it is we experienced.  I'd like to ask that if this moves you at all, you share it as well.  The more links and hits that this blog post gets, the better the chances that it will appear in google search results along with Commerford Zoo's website.  Share this story with anyone you think might consider going.  Share this story with anyone that you know is passionate about defending animals against this kind of cruelty.  But, whatever you do, DO NOT GO TO ONE OF THESE EVENTS.  Going to these events literally funds animal cruelty.

For the sake of keeping this blog post from being painfully long, I will present the following list of citations and other problems that have been recorded against Commerford Zoo.  Most of these things listed here do have further documentation that I have (for instance, specific circumstances regarding USDA complaints written up by the USDA, newspaper articles, etc.).  If you are interested in seeing any of this, leave your email address in the comments (please note if you'd prefer your email address not be published in comments) and I'll email you whichever you are interested in seeing.


Here are the complaints, provided by PETA, and quoted directly from the PETA factsheet.  If you are interested in contacting PETA, they are at 501 Front St., Norfolk, VA 23510 757-622-7382 • PETA.org • Circuses.com.

R.W. Commerford & Sons Traveling Petting Zoo

USDA License #16-C-0006, 48 Torrington Rd., Goshen, CT 06756

R.W. Commerford & Sons Traveling Petting Zoo has failed to meet minimal federal standards for the care of animals used in exhibition as established in the Animal Welfare Act (AWA). The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) has cited R.W. Commerford & Sons numerous times for failure to provide adequate veterinary care, for failure to maintain enclosures and transport trailers, for failure to have an attendant present during periods of public contact, for improper feeding, and for poor housekeeping. An elephant from R.W. Commerford & Sons has been involved in three dangerous incidents while giving rides to children and caused injuries. Contact PETA for documentation.

February 1, 2008: Commerford advertised a yak and a water buffalo for sale in Animal Finders’ Guide, a trade publication that caters to exotic animal breeders and dealers, the pet trade, and hunting ranches.
January 2, 2008: The USDA cited Commerford & Sons for failure to maintain facilities in good repair because a gate for a sheep, goat, llama, and donkey enclosure had support posts with jagged edges and a bent and broken horizontal bottom rail, which posed a risk of injury to the animals.
August 8, 2007: The USDA cited Commerford & Sons for failure to provide a developed and documented environmental enhancement plan for primates.
May 26, 2007: The USDA cited Commerford & Sons for failure to handle food in a manner that would prevent contamination.
February 21, 2007: Bob Commerford testified before a Connecticut state legislative committee in opposition to proposed bill 6599, which sought to eliminate the mistreatment of captive elephants by banning the use of bullhooks, electric prods, and chains.
September 28, 2006: The USDA cited Commerford & Sons for failure to maintain a transport trailer in a way that would protect the health and ensure the safety and comfort of the animals and for failing to store food in a manner that would protect against contamination and deterioration.
August 10, 2006: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to have an employee or attendant present during periods of public contact with the animals in the petting zoo, including an elephant named Karen.
March 5, 2006: An Asian elephant named Minnie injured two Commerford employees while giving rides at the Best Western Royal Plaza Trade Center in Marlborough, Massachusetts. As children were being loaded onto the elephant, she became agitated and suddenly swung her head toward the two employees, shifting her weight and pinning them against the loading ramp. An eyewitness reported that one of the employees had provoked the elephant by striking her in the face. One man sustained a chest injury and the other a broken arm. Both were taken by ambulance to the hospital. Two bystanders sustained bruises. Minnie has been involved in at least three previous dangerous incidents (see August 27, 1998, and August 28, 1989).
August 27, 1998: While carrying children on her back at the New York State Fair, an elephant named Minnie panicked and knocked down her trainer, then stepped on him. A 3-year-old girl was also injured after falling off the elephant and hitting her head on the ground. Both were treated at a local hospital. Minnie had been involved in at least two previous attacks (see August 28, 1989).
June 25, 1998: Commerford was cited for failure to have a program of veterinary care.
June 24, 1998: Commerford was cited for failure to maintain the elephant transport trailer. The inspector also noted that the program of veterinary care was outdated.
September 27, 1997: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to maintain enclosures, failure to have an attendant present in the petting zoo, and failure to provide veterinary care to an ill goat.
April 2, 1997: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to maintain enclosures with broken, cracked, and jagged wood and plastic, for poor housekeeping, and for inadequate pest control.
March 14, 1997: After examining several animals with the Commerford petting zoo, a veterinarian with VCA Bowie Animal Hospital in Maryland wrote, “[A sheep] was very thin with labored breathing and bilateral pneumonia. The yak [was] very thin [with] labored respiration and … pneumonia. The elephant was showing marked lameness on both rear legs. … I would be very concerned about public safety with an animal that is this sore.”
August 8, 1996: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to correct a previously identified noncompliance of not having readily identifiable employees present while animals were on public display.
March 13, 1996: Commerford was cited for improper food and bedding storage and failure to maintain enclosures.
March 10, 1996: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to provide veterinary care to four sheep with excessively long hooves, failure to have an identifiable employee present during exhibition, and for having an electrical wire inside the prairie dog enclosure.
October 6, 1995: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to provide veterinary care to two llamas with excessively long hooves and for failure to document deworming procedures.
August 28, 1995: Commerford was cited for using a 13-year-old attendant to handle the camel and failure to have an attendant present in the petting zoo during periods of public contact.
February 21, 1995: The USDA cited Commerford for inadequate drainage in the elephant enclosure, failure to maintain a camel stall, failure to clean a water receptacle in the cattle and zebu enclosure with a buildup of algae, failure to dispose of a large accumulation of soiled hay, bedding, and feces behind the elephant barn, failure to clean the transport trailer, and failure to provide veterinary care to pygmy goats with excessively large mammary glands and a prairie dog with patches of hair loss.
October 7, 1994: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to comply with feeding regulations.
March 7, 1994: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to provide veterinary care to goats and sheep with overgrown hooves and for improper feeding.
February 14, 1994: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to monitor animals during periods of public contact, for improper feeding, and for failure to have food available for a baby lamb who was too young to be isolated from his mother.
December 9, 1993: Commerford was cited by the USDA for inadequate pest control.
September 17, 1993: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to maintain the elephant’s transport trailer.
July 22, 1993: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to maintain the elephant’s transport trailer, for failure to maintain records of acquisition and disposition, for failure to keep an elephant giving rides under the control of a handler, for exhibiting a bull, a zebu, and a giraffe in a manner that could cause injury to the public and without the presence of an attendant, and for failure to have a program of veterinary care.
May 17, 1993: The USDA cited Commerford for improper food storage, for keeping piles of manure in and near the elephant yard, for failure to provide structurally sound fencing around the zebra enclosure, for failure to make necessary repairs to the elephant barn, for poor housekeeping, and for failure to maintain transport trailers.
October 14, 1992: Commerford was cited for giving animals unsanitary drinking water in rusty receptacles.
October 8, 1992: The USDA cited Commerford for improper food storage, failure to maintain prairie dog cages that contained protruding wires, and failure to provide records of acquisition and disposition.
February 20, 1992: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to provide environment enrichment to primates and failure to erect a structurally sound perimeter fence.
October 12, 1991: The USDA cited Commerford for improper food storage.
July 10, 1991: The USDA cited Commerford for improper food storage and failure to maintain enclosures.
September 18, 1990: The USDA cited Commerford for a filthy primate enclosure.
August 8, 1990: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to maintain the primate cage and failure to provide adequate space and exercise to the giraffe.
July 13, 1990: The USDA cited Commerford for failure to maintain the rabbit cage.
June 29, 1990: The USDA inspector noted that a “newborn donkey and mother should be allowed quiet quarters” at the Meadowlands Fair.
August 28, 1989: An elephant handler was attacked and critically injured by an elephant named Minnie after he struck the elephant with a bullhook while two children were riding on the elephant’s back. Minnie picked up the handler with her trunk and threw him against a trailer, breaking his shoulder and jaw, at the Champlain Valley Fair in Essex Junction, Vermont. According to a witness, “Blood was gushing everywhere. The kids were left stranded.” Commerford continued using Minnie for rides at the fair despite a public outcry that the elephant was too dangerous. Years earlier, Minnie had attacked a worker and broken his arm.


Commerford Zoo's website-- only linked to so that when Google crawls, this blog get placed in search results near it.  Feel free to NOT click it.



P.S.  Mom, thank you for calming me yesterday, and thank you for all of the information you sent me. 

The case against freedom of speech: America, what the hell are you thinking?

I don't expect this post to receive bright and shining reviews, but it's been on my mind lately at the prompting of a near and dear friend and I've been digesting and reflecting on this topic a lot in the last week or so.

Freedom of speech?  Is it really free?

We live in a very self-important society, toting our rights and guns as though they are badges of honor that we somehow earned simply by being born in America.  America is the youngest of all the world-wide superpowers, and yet we fancy ourselves the wisest.  We feel that our way of doing things is the right way.  We feel we are the leaders of the free world.  And by god, we have our rights and our guns to prove it. 

What does freedom of speech mean? 

How many times have we been told to just "get over it" or that "words are just words" when someone says something hurtful to us?  But honestly, words can deal a devastating blow no matter how thick someone's skin may be.  We take this on a small scale when someone calls us a nasty name.  We see this on a much more massive scale when someone like Michael Savage says on his radio show that we should kill millions of Muslims, because when it comes down to it, it will be us or them.  Regardless, words are not free.  They come at a price. 

At what point can we draw a line safely, though, and say, "You can't say that," and not have the censorship police create an even more damaging backlash to our society?  We are at a moment in our history where our words are uglier than ever.  Political activists take the parts of stories that fit their rhetoric and use these half truths to further fuel fires that are built on nothing resembling complete, factual pictures.  Once you take a drop of dye and put it in a glass of water, it taints the whole glass, so that every bit of it becomes poisoned with the color of the dye.  We now have masses of Americans forming strong, hateful opinions of each other and other cultures, because no one takes the time to learn the whole truth or the contexts of what they are hearing.  They assume what they are fed is full truth.

And of course, they share these opinions.  They share them loudly.  They share them angrily.  They have a RIGHT to their opinions.  After all, this is America!  The land of Freedom!  The land of Opportunity!  The land where we have freedom of speech, and the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 

Only, they share the information as they interpret it, skewing it even further from the truth that it once was.

Somehow in the end, the average American decides that it actually does make sense that we kill millions of Muslims because after all, if we don't kill them, they will kill us.  Genocide.  Why not?  Makes sense, right?

Let us forget, of course, that we are judging these millions on the few.  Every group has its crazies.  I guess if it makes sense that we base our opinions of the nice Muslim lady down the road on the actions of Bin Laden, I should start judging the actions of the Christian family down the road on Hitler.

Freedom of speech, right?

Lets consider the consequences of freedom of speech on this particular situation.  Michael Savage says live on his program that millions of Muslims should be killed before they kill us.  That broadcast has been quoted and played online on multiple websites.  This makes its way to those radicals in the middle east who DO have murder and genocide in their hearts.  They assume that because we, as Americans, allow this evil to be spewed on our radios, we must condone and support this kind of nastiness.  Personally, I see no difference in either side of this situation.  Each side seeks to destroy the way of life of the other.  Each side feels violence to do it is justified.

Freedom of speech.  And we are entitled to these opinions.  Because we are in America.  And we have rights.

So, what do I propose?  Well, nothing, really.  Unfortunately, we are so befuddled right now with our freedoms that we would need to start completely over again to get it right.  Once you begin censorship, you tear down the walls of civilized society and you do become ruled by the opinion of government.  Nothing good can come of that. 

But seriously, come on, people!  A little common sense and respect goes a really long way!  No, I don't believe in censorship, but I do believe in INTERNAL censorship.  As entitled as you are to that opinion, how about sharing it with some respect and humility?  No one is right.  NO ONE.  Not one side.  History is complicated, has many, MANY different ways of being understood, and as a result, it is impossible to look at something and say in black in white that we know what the right side is. 

We are so stuck in this era of self entitlement that we are consumed by our own opinions.  We waste so much energy defending ourselves and convincing everyone in the world that we are right.  What does that do in the long run?  It makes us dumber.  We stop listening to everyone else.  We stop learning.  We cut off our ability to be compassionate toward other sides because our side becomes the most important to us.  Sure we have a right to behave that way, but should we? 

Freedom of speech is NOT free.  It comes at a large price and should be exercised with great care and respect.  Situations should be approached with the desire to learn what the other side is saying. 

And, get this-- it's okay to be wrong.  It's okay to know you had it all wrong, and you can even admit it, too.  It feels good to do!  It is how we learn.  It is how we grow.  It is how we evolve.  It is how we become better people, better friends, better neighbors, better parents, better lovers, just...better. 

I love America.  I love our freedoms.  I do not love all of the people exercising them.  I'm glad I have a right to feel that way.  I enjoy other perspectives, and I love learning from other people.  I love those moments when I realize I am wrong, and who knows--maybe this is one of them.  Freedom of speech is a dangerous thing, though, and ultimately, I believe that has been a massive part of our undoing in the eyes of the world.